Posts with tag cinematical seven
Posted Jul 8th 2008 10:02PM by Eugene Novikov
Filed under: New Releases, Cinematical Seven, Lists

Yesterday, Scott posted a terrific month-by-month report card looking back the 2008 movie scene from the halfway point. With the interval between theatrical and DVD release dates shrinking steadily, a lot of the movies from January through June are either already available on DVD, or soon will be. For your consideration, here are what I consider to be seven underseen, underexposed, and/or unfairly overlooked gems from the year to date. Something to consider next time you log on to Netflix.
In no particular order:
1. Charlie Bartlett - I'll clamber out on a limb and call Charlie Bartlett the most valuable movie for young teenagers this decade (despite its R rating). Most films for kids and teens unthinkingly implore them not to worry about being popular -- do your own thing! Don't worry about what your peers think of you! Good advice in the abstract, maybe, but completely detached from reality for most school-age kids, who have to, you know, go to school, and eat in the cafeteria. Charlie Bartlett is smart enough to realize this. Rather than imploring kids to "be themselves," it wants to say something about what the ones who are actually popular should do with their popularity. For once, it's a movie with a message aimed not at the misfits but at the leaders: the kids who are smart, charismatic and capable; the schoolyard trendsetters and tastemakers. It powerfully suggests the importance of using that influence for good instead of evil. Oh, and it's bright, sincere, and very funny, with a downright miraculous performance by Anton Yelchin.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Overlooked Gems from the Top Half of '08
Posted May 27th 2008 11:02PM by Elisabeth Rappe
Filed under: Action, Classics, Fandom, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, Cinematical Seven, Remakes and Sequels

Warning: This post does contain lots of Crystal Skull spoilers. Read at your own risk.Whether you loved
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or hated it, dreaded its arrival or could barely sleep at night in anticipation, I think we can all agree there are some things that we're really glad didn't happen. With George Lucas' oft-quoted desire for "wackiness," and with his
Star Wars prequels being rife with mythology rewrites and well, "wackiness," there was cause for concern. I'm one of the individuals who didn't care for the film, but upon leaving, I knew it could have been a lot worse. My friends, who varied between loving, liking, and hating, agreed -- there could have been so many horrible things. For example, the much-maligned monkeys and prairie dogs could have broken out in a spontaneous and extended dance number, and the aliens could have appeared as Indy's father. So, this Cinematical Seven is the result of our roundtable rantings -- and, as always, I am anxious to hear your own ...
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Things That, Thankfully, Didn't Happen in 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull'.
Posted May 8th 2008 10:02PM by Eric Kohn
Filed under: New Releases, Movie Marketing, Cinematical Seven, Columns
Whether or not shows like
Aqua Teen Hunger Force or
The Simpsons succeeded in translating their television dynamics to the big screen depends on your point of view, but the release of
Speed Racer this weekend raises a more specific question about the viability of turning an animated series into a live action spectacle on the big screen.
The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and
Underdog both suggest how this goal can go wrong -- namely, by imploding on its absurd conceits. You may disagree with the inclusion of some of the following titles, all of which culled their material from animation, but it's fair to say that each of them takes its subject matter at face value, allowing the natural ingredients of the original sources to remain intact. Well, maybe not
Super Mario Bros., but that one is a special case (fire away, if you must). Until somebody makes an
Animaniacs movie with real actors, I'm sticking to this list.
1. Popeye (1980)
Robert Altman's offbeat ode to the famous Fleisher cartoon starring the spinach-eating strongman and his darling Olive Oil is the great misunderstood work of the director's career. Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall manage to bring utterly ridiculous characters into a realm of believability that you could never imagine when watching the show. Suddenly, Popeye made sense -- goofy, almost surreal sense, but sense nonetheless -- in the real world. Thanks to veteran adult cartoonist Jules Feiffer's screenplay and a soundtrack so catchy Paul Thomas Anderson borrowed from it twenty years later in
Punch-Drunk Love, the classic status of
Popeye can't be denied.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: When an Animated Series Goes Live Action ... and Gets it Right
Posted May 6th 2008 9:32PM by Jeffrey M. Anderson
Filed under: Cinematical Seven, Lists

A good comeback is like a great third act in American lives; it's the triumphant return, the end of the story. James Cagney retired in 1961, then made a triumphant comeback in 1981 with Ragtime. But a good movie never deals with the aftermath of the comeback. Just as often as not, the comeback leads to nothing. Cagney died a few years after the hubbub. Though we all love a good comeback, the following is a list of comebacks that weren't the end of the story, and didn't provide the inspiring coda that they could have.
1. Sylvester Stallone in Cop Land (1997)
Stallone's is one of the most fascinating, dramatic careers in cinema. His fame is so huge that his name and face -- or at least his characters -- are known the world over. He had a fairytale rise to fame with Rocky (1976), complete with tales of writing it in a weekend. He has a lot of charisma, and earned an Oscar nomination for acting. He has directed eight feature films and contributed to the screenplays for nearly twenty. People whisper about how smart and savvy he is behind the scenes.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Comebacks That Didn't Take
Posted May 4th 2008 6:32PM by Scott Weinberg
Filed under: Cinematical Seven, Comic/Superhero/Geek

The critics
loved it, the audiences seem to dig it
even more, and
the sequel has officially claimed a 2010 release date already: This weekend we're all about the
Iron Man. (I was gonna say "This weekend we're all about the iron, man," but it was way too corny.) So while we've already been promised the arrivals of characters called War Machine, Mandarin, and Nick Fury, I hope that the fine folks at Marvel Entertainment will consider tossing a few of these guys into the mix:
Alloy Boy -- Desperate to become Iron Man's first sidekick, young Alfred Loye decides to build himself a suit made of several disparate components. A big fan of TV dinners and collectible unicorns, Alfred fuses tin with pewter and creates an outfit that proves to be as effective as a suit made of tissue paper and smoke. His demise at Bessemer mansion inspires Tony Stark to avoid future sidekicks.
Irony Man -- Although he and Tony Stark shared similar talents for pith and witty banter, Irony Man proved to be an undeniably difficult ally to deal with. The two heroes had a massive falling out after, in a fit of rare sincerity, Irony Man referred to Stark's newest suit as "quite nice, actually." Irony Man was killed by Lord Caustic of Sardonica. His remains are buried in Sarr Chasm.
Vitamin Gal and the FEmales -- After depleting their planet of iron (in a matter of weeks) and fully convinced that Tony Stark is Earth's very
source of the vital element, the five young women descend upon the tycoon's mansion and have one hell of a weekend. After learning that iron is in fact one of this planet's most prevalent components, they beat the living hell out of Stark, leaving only Vitamin Girl to hang out for a while. (She would eventually leave him for Centrum executive Frumay Tuzinc.)
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Awesome Ideas for New 'Iron Man' Characters!
Posted Apr 29th 2008 10:02PM by Elisabeth Rappe
Filed under: Classics, Family Films, Cinematical Seven, Lists
Long before I was a Cinematical blogger, before I even went to college, I worked in the children's department of Barnes and Noble. It was a daily adventure, filled with germs, the beginning of the Harry Potter craze, impossible shelving arrangements, and fuzzy character suits (of which I was the inevitable wearer of). But I developed a real fondness for children's literature – or rather, rediscovered it, as I came across every book that had made me who I am today. And thanks to Harry Potter, not only are children's books doing bigger business than ever before, the trend has thankfully been towards literary adaptations on the big screen. So in honor of April's Nim's Island, May's Prince Caspian, and the eventual Where the Wild Things Are, here are the seven children's books that need to be put into production tomorrow. To my surprise, a few of these have already been made, but were either forgotten, badly made, or in need of a remake. (My opinion only -- and I apologize in advance if, say, 1969's version of My Side of the Mountain is one of your childhood favorites, you think it should remain untouched.)
I have to say, though, choosing only seven was incredibly difficult. It was a tough call between The Trumpet of the Swan and The Mouse and the Motorcycle, Jackaroo and The Black Cauldron. As I was writing it, friends and family kept throwing in even more selections. So I hope this reawakens the memories of your childhood favorites -- and I can't wait to hear about the ones you'd like to see onscreen too!
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Children's Books That Need To Be Filmed Immediately
Posted Feb 20th 2008 10:02PM by Scott Weinberg
Filed under: Cinematical Seven, Games and Game Movies

Earlier today, Cinematical game-master Erik Davis
informed us that Hasbro and Universal were teaming up to make movies out of games like
Battleship,
Candy Land,
Ouija, and a few others. Now, I actually think that something like
Battleship and/or
Candy Land could actually make for some pretty good flicks, provided you hire some good filmmakers, of course. But then I got to thinking about all the BAD movies that could probably be made out of the old-school board games. And so I give you...
Roland Emmerich's Hungry Hungry Hippos -- An expedition to find the fabled White Marbles of Maui unleashes a quartet of stunningly ravenous and pastel-colored hippopotami who devour everything in their path. Able to re-attach their heads with only a parents' assistance, the Hippos seem completely unstoppable ... until one overzealous kid evens the playing field with a well-placed hammer.
Wes Craven's Operation -- John Smith had been admitted to General Hospital for only a routine appendectomy. But when he awakens, his penis is missing, his nose has been replaced by a light bulb, his body is covered with massive wounds, and three eight-year-olds are pulling tiny plastic toys out of his neck with an electric tweezers. Rated NC-17.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Bad Ideas for Board Game Movies
Posted Feb 17th 2008 8:02PM by Scott Weinberg
Filed under: Action, Cinematical Seven

Now that
John McClane,
Rocky Balboa and
John Rambo have made their return to the big screen -- with
Indiana Jones on his way -- the question seems pretty obvious: Who will be the next 1980s action hero to come out of retirement and enjoy one last explosion of mindless mayhem and crazy carnage? I have a few suggestions...
Marion "Cobra" Cobretti (
Cobra, 1986) -- After the original First Blood, Stallone went a little insane and not only directed the hilariously bad
Staying Alive ... he also starred opposite Dolly Parton in
Rhinestone. So obviously it was time for A) Rambo 2, B) Rocky 4, and a powerfully mindless cop flick called
Cobra. It grossed only about $50 milion, but that's pretty solid in 1986 money. Oh, and Stallone's subsequent movie? The arm-wrestling one. Other options for Sly: Gabe "
Cliffhanger" Walker (which is apparently
already in development), Frank "
Lock Up" Leone, Lincoln "
Over the Top" Hawk ... and (of course) Detective Ray
Tango.
"Dirty" Harry Callahan (
Dirty Harry, 1971;
Magnum Force, 1973;
The Enforcer, 1976;
Sudden Impact, 1983;
The Dead Pool, 1986) -- Pretty damn unlikely, but I'd love to see Dirty Harry polish off the pistol just one last time. Hell, send him after the terrorists! (Another, more realistic wish: Clint Eastwood will deliver at least one more western in the vein of
The Outlaw Josey Wales,
Pale Rider, or
Unforgiven.)
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: '80s Action Heroes Worth Resurrecting
Posted Jan 30th 2008 9:02PM by Erik Davis
Filed under: Sports, Fandom, Cinematical Seven, Lists
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This particular Cinematical Seven took awhile to sort out. First, I needed to decide whether I would focus solely on women who play sports in film or if I should open it up to women who play sports and/or appear in sports films. As you can see from the photo above, I went with the latter. Then I needed to decide whether I would only select drop-dead gorgeous women, or if there was room for the girl next door in the list as well. I'm sure you sympathize with the tough choices I had to make this afternoon. Anyway, in honor of Superbowl Sunday (Go Giants!), here are my picks for the hottest sports girls on film (a title which took me all of about an hour to come up with -- after all, there are so many different ways to write it):
Kelly Preston as Avery Bishop in Jerry Maguire -- She's harsh, she's intimidating and she doesn't exactly use those legs to kick a long field goal. Before Jerry (Tom Cruise) had his moral epiphany and wound up wooing the adorable Dorothy (Renee Zellweger), he was attached at the hip to the cunning, yet super sexy Avery. She'd come a long way from Space Camp, and after watching Jerry Maguire, I was extremely jealous that John Travolta got to spend every boot camp with this gal.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Hottest Sports Girls on Film
Posted Jan 10th 2008 9:02PM by Jeffrey M. Anderson
Filed under: Cinematical Seven

Most critics simultaneously look forward to and dread awards season. We get to see slightly higher quality films, and the studios begin to act a lot nicer towards us -- no more horror remakes that are not screened for the press. But on the downside, a lot of prestige pictures can get tiring. The worst part of all is the extreme length that most films get away with this time of year. Quite a few films this year get close to the three-hour mark, and most of them run longer than two hours. If you look at the history of the Oscar winners, length has always been an important factor. But this does not have to be the case; many award-worthy films have used their time wisely and succinctly.
1. Duck Soup (1933)
Judd Apatow, please take note. While I enjoyed Knocked Up and Superbad as much as anyone, it just won't do to continue making comedies over two hours long. I found many great comedies that run less than 80 minutes, including several from Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, W.C. Fields, and even one each from Jerry Lewis (The Bellboy) and Woody Allen (Zelig). But this Marx Brothers classic tops my list for its uncanny speed and anarchy. It's like watching a crazy lawnmower ripping all over the yard, but at the end of the run, everything falls exactly into place.
2. Following (1998)
Before he became the king of summer blockbusters (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight) and before he made one of my favorite movies (Memento), Christopher Nolan scraped together this equally impressive crime thriller in black-and-white, running just 69 minutes. It jumbles the three acts together over a fractured timeline but very cleverly leaves clues that tie them all back together. Jeremy Theobald plays a man who enjoys following people, but gets himself into deep and unexpected trouble. See also Shane Carruth's exceptional, low-budget time travel head-scratcher Primer (2004).
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Great Films That Run Less than 80 minutes
Posted Dec 24th 2007 8:02PM by Jeffrey M. Anderson
Filed under: Cinematical Seven, 12 Days of Cinematicalmas

Lots of Christmas songs appear in lots of movies, and we all know how bad and how monotonous they can get. The following is a list of seven Christmas songs in seven Christmas movies that stand out. They're used for some particular purpose, rather than just dressing. Hopefully these songs lend new meaning to their movies, and vice versa. And in the end, everything becomes just a little more tolerable.
1. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," from Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
This song has become a standard, of course. But looking at its very first performance by Judy Garland shows that it was actually meant ironically. Esther Smith (Garland) sings it while looking out the window at a forlorn winter's night, her sister Tootie (Margaret O'Brien) at her side. (The family may have to move away from their beloved St. Louis home.) Tears flow, and the scene is accompanied by Tootie's wanton destruction of a carefully-crafted family of snow people on the lawn.
2. "Christmas in Hollis," from Die Hard (1988)
While waiting in a limo, just downstairs from the chaos in his wife's building, John McClane (Bruce Willis) listens to the radio. The limo driver Argyle (De'voreaux White) plays the just-released hip-hop Christmas song by Run-DMC. "Don't you have any Christmas music?" McClane asks. "This is Christmas music!" Argyle replies excitedly, moving to the beat. I'm not sure how many other hip-hop Christmas songs have been recorded since then, but they have some big shoes to fill. (Runner-up: "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" played during the closing credits.)
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Great Movie Christmas Songs
Posted Dec 17th 2007 10:02PM by Jeffrey M. Anderson
Filed under: Cinematical Seven, 12 Days of Cinematicalmas

OK, so this is theoretical: Charles Dickens died in 1870, about 25 years before the very first motion pictures were shown. He published A Christmas Carol in 1843, when he was about thirty, which would have put his fictitious Ebenezer Scrooge several years older, with even less chance of ever having seen any movies. So we're just imagining that if Scrooge was around today, and still hated Christmas, but loved movies -- and preferred to spend Christmas alone watching mean, dark Christmas stories -- then these might be his favorites. A Happy Humbug -- er... Holidays to all!
1. Bad Santa (2003)
Of course: Billy Bob Thornton's Willie T. Soke has gone down as perhaps the greatest Christmas curmudgeon since the Grinch, and even Scrooge himself. His beautifully crafted dialogue is like an opera of swear words, soaring over the proceedings like the wings of drunken, unwashed angels. Terry Zwigoff's masterful direction walks an impossible line between vicious and sweet, hilarious and human. (Note: avoid the theatrical cut and the bogus "Badder Santa" version, and stick with the superior, official Director's Cut.)
2. Black Christmas (1974)
Bob Clark directed everyone's holiday favorite, A Christmas Story, but nine years earlier he made this horror masterpiece about the first holiday serial killer, a nasty piece of work who torments a girl's sorority house on the eve of the holiday break. But these girls (including Margot Kidder and Olivia Hussey) are no innocent Cindy Lou Whos; they can out-drink and out-curse any slasher. Even Scrooge wouldn't accept the dreadful 2006 remake, however.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Scrooge's Favorite Christmas Movies
Posted Nov 3rd 2007 8:02PM by Erik Davis
Filed under: Fandom, DIY/Filmmaking, Cinematical Seven, Lists, Trailers and Clips
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Part of my job involves watching every single trailers that comes through the pipeline, and, in most cases, writing about it. Thus, it pains me to keep hearing the same old voice-over lines from the guy with the deep voice. A friend of mine, a comedian by the name of Jeff Sussman, once did a bit on the movie trailer voice-over guy. In it, he speculated what it would be like to live with the movie trailer voice-over guy. Do all of his dinner conversations begin with "In a world ... where chicken cutlets and mashed potatoes come together ...?" It was a pretty funny routine, and Jeff had the voice down good, but I can't blame the movie trailer voice-over guy (who has a name, but I like calling him that) because those lines are written for him.
Personally, I'd like to take a stand today! No more of this! The following lines have been used in countless movie trailers, and I feel it's about time we officially retire them. And if we somehow survive this impending writer's strike, perhaps we can get a little more creative; ya know, write stuff for the movie trailer voice-over guy that we haven't already heard a million times before. From this day forward, I urge all of you to take a stand and help us ban the following lines of dialogue from showing up in future trailers. Think about the children, people! This one is for them ...
"What he/she needed most was right in front of them the whole time ..."
I just heard this one ... for the umpteenth time ... in the trailer for an upcoming film that I won't mention. First off, why even say this line? Doesn't it ruin the entire ending of a film? If Jack (a struggling artist with a fear of circus clowns) meets Jill (a beautiful single girl who just happens to be a circus clown), isn't it obvious that finding her will help solve his problems? Do we really need to add on the extra line: "And what Jack needed most was right in front of him the whole time." Who cares, honestly. This line shows up in the trailers for a majority of romantic comedies, and every time I hear it I want to throw something at the screen. Let's come up with something a tad more original, like, for example: "And what Jack needed most ... was to get laid." Now that I'd buy a ticket for.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Most Overly Used Lines in Trailers
Posted Oct 28th 2007 8:02PM by Scott Weinberg
Filed under: Horror, Cinematical Seven

Like the final chapter of any worthwhile trilogy, this entry is filled with something old, something new and something that hints at ... maybe a Part 4? (Catch me in March!) If you're a regular reader (Hi Mom!) then these titles will no doubt look a little familiar -- but the flicks haven't been released yet, so that makes 'em eligible for inclusion. (Well, that and the fact that I think they're good enough to track down.) And just so you're all caught up, here's a link for
Part 1 and another for
Part 2.
The Orphanage -- Produced by genre lord Guillermo Del Toro -- and the flick has the guy's wonderful fingerprints all over it. First-timer Juan Bayona delivers a quietly creepy and surprisingly engaging little ghost story, but don't let that fool you into thinking it's for the lightweights. This is a deliciously effective movie about a woman who returns to renovate an old orphanage with her devoted husband and adopted son ... but quickly comes to regret it. (
Full review here.)
Arrival: Picturehouse has it scheduled for a December 28 limited release.
Borderland -- By the time I saw Zev Berman's
Borderland at the SXSW Film Festival, I'd grown a little weary of what I call "tourist horror," but this scrappy indie offers just enough color and energy to warrant a look. It's about a trio of young guys who travel to a Mexican border town and run afoul of, yep you guessed it, murderous devil worshippers. Hey, how often do you get to see Sean Astin playing a psychopath? (
Full review here.)
Arrival: November 9, as part of After Dark's Horrorfest event; Lionsgate DVD after that.
Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Best Horror Movies You Haven't Seen Yet -- Part 3
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